"We visited Noir on a Saturday evening with friends and on arrival discovered the table is right of the restaurant entrance. Hardly the intimate meal with friends with people in and out all around you. I booked weeks in advance and shocked at this is the best table they had for us saying they are fully booked everywhere. The table itself was wobbly and I requested they fix that before food to avoid accidents. The waitress knew nothing about the dishes and any questions we had in regards to the portion size and whether a Mocktail was fizzy or not. She brought over another waitress to assist who was no better and needed to repeat the order a few times to get it right. It would help if the blazing music was slightly lowered, it’s a restaurant not a club. Now the food, it has to be the worst food we have possibly ever had. The Preeti Puri which is their take on Pani Puri was tasteless. The chaat had a very soggy papri and no crunch. The burgers tasted like cardboard and the worst of all was the Mac and Cheese. A packet Mac and Cheese would have been a better decision as they made theirs very funky leaving a sour taste. Also the need to add Cheetos crisps over food is really not required. Based on the experience I refused to pay service which totalled the bill to £262 instead of the initial £295. Irrespective of the cost which really was not worth it, we have planned an evening out. We booked childcare and merged our diaries, and this did not live up to the even basic of expectations. On informing the waitress I won’t be paying service, there was no openness to ask why or how they could improve the experience. The lack of customer service is astonishing. Save your evening out, don’t bother with this place."
