Wray And Nephew
Banyan On The Thames

Banyan On The Thames

34 Lombard Road Battersea London, SW11 3RF, United Kingdom

Thai • Asian • Steak • Chicken


"Banyan on the Thames is a nomenclatural inexactitude because the banyan tree is an inhabitant of the Indian subcontinent, rather than being passed off as a floating ficus on the Thames. Belonging as it does to the fig family, the original banyan drops spectacular aerial roots from its branches to the ground beneath its immense verdant canopy, producing a most unique treat for the eyes. The name of this tree has been appropriated by the Raphael on the Left Bank hotel in London for its restaurant. Maybe it aptly symbolises the roots of the restaurant being in the subcontinent. What strikes one about the place on first sight is someone's apparent obsession with the Medusa, signifying the Versace brand, which appears on every table top and virtually all over. The second striking feature is the artificial grass laid out both indoors and outside in the so called “garden” where there is a profusion of fake flowers, creepers and shrubs. It looks tacky and creepy and screams fake. The atmosphere in the so called garden, was not helped by the music played at decibels that are designed to hurt the ear drums. Food was fair to middling in quality, taste and presentation. The standard of service was reasonable. On the other hand, the location is magical. You can spend quite a while looking out through the large glass windows as the world goes by. The Thames flows quietly, more water under Battersea bridge, while you are people watching. And if you are feeling energetic, one has the opportunity of course to refresh oneself by striding along the Thames in the company of others who may be ambling, jogging and strolling. In conclusion, it’s really nothing to write home about"

Dalston Jazz

Dalston Jazz

4 Bradbury StreetN16 8JN, London, United Kingdom

Full • Cafe • French • Seafood


"I would recommend that everyone eat at Dalston Jazz bar for the simple reason that every terrible restaurant you visit throughout the rest of your life will seem better by comparison. We walked in and were confronted with a decor that was presumably aiming for shabby chic but had instead landed squarely on skanky tetanus. We took a table at the back after being told that the one free at the front was reserved. Fair enough. We then splashed out the eminently reasonable price of £32 for 2 pints, a single vodka and (flat) coke and a cosmopolitan so sweet I can only assume they got the cranberry juice mixed up with the Vimto. For some reason all drinks had to be paid for immediately rather than being added to your bill presumably because so many people walk out. Words cannot describe the quality of our waiter at least not words I can write here. When he eventually took our food order he explained that it was a 'pay what you want ' restaurant, before immediately contradicting himself by informing us that each dish held a minimum 'donation ' of £15. What about the foccaccia? I dared to ask. £15 I was informed. Deciding to forgo the world 's most expensive bread we went for the prawns. They had the taste and texture of rubber covered in warm sweet chilli sauce. The chef had taken the unusual step of placing these on top of the crispy salad leaves, making them somewhat less crispy. The accompanying dish of a 'fishcake ' was, in reality, a pile of overcooked mash stuffed with the sweepings of the kitchen, some of which were presumably piscine in nature. The night culminated when the waiter, despite our protests, insisted we move to the long table he had originally said was reserved. Apparently the people who had booked it had cancelled, but our table was reserved (something he hadn 't previously mentioned). We arrived at the already packed long table to find there were only 2 seats for the 4 of us. No problem for our suddenly industrious waiter, who made everyone else shove along until we were so packed that the meaning of an 'intimate dinner ' threatened to take on a whole new meaning."